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Teenage Wasteland
}} Haley shares a fundamental fact about teenagers with us. Cast * The Order of the Stick ** Roy Greenhilt ◀ ▶ ** Haley Starshine (as Dark Mistress Shadowgale) ◀ ▶ ** Elan ◀ ▶ ** Durkon Thundershield ◀ ▶ ** Vaarsuvius ◀ ▶ * Ian Starshine ▶ * "Zit Boy" ▶ * Ted ◀ ▶ * Teenage Goblin with Braces ▶ * Teenage Goblin with Sneakers ▶ * A Teenage Goblin Girl * A Teenage Goblin in a Varsity Jacket * Zit Boy's Mom (Ted's Wife) Transcript The Order are climbing down a ladder only to find some young goblins waiting for them. Roy: Hey, so thanks for saving us from the— Roy: goblins?? Durkon: Thor's beard! Yer goblins too! We been tricked! Zit Boy: No, dude! Goblin with Braces: Be cool, just chill. Zit Boy: Those old guys are bogus. Goblin with Braces: You know how goblins are "usually Neutral Evil"? We think that's so lame. Roy: You're Good aligned goblins? Zit Boy: Hell yeah! Goblin with Braces: Completely. Goblin Girl: Listen, we can zip you past those other guys. This is, like, a hella secret tunnel. Goblin with Sneakers: Seriously. Roy: Well, while I certainly appreciate the help, I can't risk further endangering children. Haley: No, wait—don't you see it, Roy? Haley: They are arbitrarily rejecting their traditional belief system and embracing everything their elders despise. Haley: They're not children—They're TEENAGERS! Goblin in Varsity Jacket: Sh'yeah. Roy: Wait, you're saying that they are Good because— Haley: —because it cheeses off their parents, who are Evil. You got it. Zit Boy: Dude, you have no idea how hard it sucks. Goblin with Acne: My dad is, like, the priest of this big demon prince guy. So bogus. Cutaway to Goblin with Acne at home with his parents. Ted: Listen to me, young man, you will drink the blood of the innocent and you will LIKE IT. Goblin Mother: And would it kill you to dress all in black once in a while? Zit Boy: You don't understand what I'm going through! Haley (whispering): Roy, I think they'll go out of their way to help us. It's all a big cry for attention, but it can work in our favor. Roy: Hmmm. OK, guys, lead on. Elan: Wow, Haley, how come you understand the teenage mind so well? Haley: Ummmm... Flashback to a young goth Haley at home with her father, the panel is titled "Haley Starshine, Age 15 (a.k.a. Dark Mistress Shadowgale)". Ian Starshine: No allowance until you clean up this room. Dark Mistress Shadowgale: Life is pain. Cut back to the present. Haley: ...no reason. D&D Context * In the Monster Manual goblins are "usually Neutral Evil," which means most goblins are Neutral Evil Alignment but not all. Trivia * "Teenage Wasteland" is a repeated line in The Who's song "Baba O'Riley." * This is the first appearance of Ian Starshine. * This is the first appearance of Haley as her teenage self, Dark Mistress Shadowgale. * This it the first appearance of the three Teenage Goblins: "Zit Boy", Teenage Goblin with Braces, and Teenage Goblin with Sneakers. External Links * 93}} View the comic * link|853846}} View the discussion thread Category:Dorukan's Gate